Dear Helena
by manitilde
Summary: "There are so many things that I want to tell you. So many things I want to ask, to shout, to scream, to plead. What you did to the Warehouse—to me...it broke my heart." **Written pre-finale**
1. Chapter 1

Dear Helena,

I'm not entirely sure why I am writing this. I have no way of delivering it to you and even if I did, I'm not so sure I would want to. It is said that writing can act as a sort of cathartic release and I think that's what I am looking for. I need to heal and this is the first step.

There are so many things that I want to tell you. So many things I want to ask, to shout, to scream, to plead. What you did to the Warehouse—to me, turning your back one everyone who meant anything to you and who you meant anything to, it was all too much to take.

I was angry for a long time, but seeing that you had given up on everything, that there was nothing in the world that you felt connected to—Helena what you did in Yellowstone—what you thought you _had_ to do in Yellowstone, seeing you so desperate, so broken, that was what broke my heart.

In all honesty, a part of me hates you for everything you've done. For the damage you've cost and the relationships you ruined. But there is also a part of me that can still see the good in you, a part that sympathizes with your pain and wants to help you heal. It is that part of me, I think, that decided to write this letter.

As much as you need to heal, I need it too. I need to know that believing in you wasn't a complete mistake. I need to be able to believe in you so that I am able to believe in myself again. That might sound selfish, but I think, after everything you did, I've at least earned that right.

Nevertheless, what I've been trying to say and what I've been avoiding to say is that I miss you, Helena. I miss talking with you until three in the morning about books and music; I miss sparing with you on Sunday mornings even before the sun had risen; I miss the amused looks you gave Pete whenever he made a movie reference and how excited you got while talking to Claudia about the technological advances of the last century. I miss your knowledge and your wit and your humor and your heart. I miss you, Helena, and I don't know if I can stop…

Lo

- Myka


	2. Chapter 2

HG,

When Joshua went missing I was a wreak and every counselor I had to see told me that writing letters to the person I was missing would help. Like, by writing down everything what I _wanted _to say to them would be like _actually_ talking to them. I never understood that. I guess I thought too much for my own good even then. I mean, I thought Joshua was dead. How was writing a letter to a dead man supposed to help? But Joshua wasn't really dead, just stuck in void space, and you're not really dead either, just stuck in some super scary secret Regent prison—which is kind of the same thing, right?

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say that I get it. I mean, I understand why you did what you did. In theory. I kind of know what you are going through. I lost my parents when I was a kid and just when things were almost good again I lost Joshua (well, I got him back, but I didn't know that was going to happen) Anyway, I know what it feels like to lose hope, to feel like the world is out for you. I felt that way for most of my life.

But then I came to the Warehouse and I got Joshua back and I met Pete and Myka and Leena and Artie and then you and things were good, like really good for the first time in a long time…But then you did what you did and suddenly you were gone and Myka was gone and Pete wasn't acting like Pete and everything was broken. You broke my family, HG, and I'm still really, really mad about that.

That being said, I really wish you were still here. We got Myka back and Jinksy is great, but things aren't the same without you. I have no one to bounce ideas off of. And I mean Jinksy is awesome, like the best friend a girl can have, but he's a guy and since you left, Myka hasn't been herself. She's still a kick-ass agent and super funny when you give the chance, but she's …quieter. She's acting a lot like she did when I first met her. Kind of haunted with these huge walls protecting her.

I don't think any of us realized the influence had on her, or I guess, the influence you had on each other until it was too late. Like, you guys freakin' mind melded or something and now you guys are walking around with half a brain and not in a cool zombie movie kind of way. I just…I wish things were different.

3 -Claudia


End file.
